I’ve Got A Little Rhythm For You
On the end of agony
there can be ecstasy,
if you get the note right,
get the movement
and the rhythm,
the in and out of the symbolism.
Can’t you see what I mean?
Me neither,
I’m not sorry,
there’s no regrets in breaking barriers.
It’s a little riddle,
a little secret
you’ll only tell years later,
under influence rather than duress
and I can guess
what it meant by the smile on your face,
if it’s there at all.
r.l.w
bad title
I know my words
seem inappropriate,
they jump from me
without hesitation
at the sight of
so little skin.
If I tempered down
my desire,
I’d regret our
conversations.
I apologise
but I won’t stop it
until I feel your fingers
on my lips,
your heart hurting
and your eyes
screaming cease.
r.l.w
(16/12/08)
hot junior doctor
It’s not just about
the way you think,
it’s about the way you live.
These glimpses bring anarchy
into the mind of me
and destruction
of my perception
of how it’s supposed to be.
I get it now,
I get it now,
not the nine to five
or society’s lives,
just being out of order,
out of disorder.
It’s not just about
the way you think,
it’s about the way they live.
r.l.w
(from art therapy, I can’t even not write when I’m supposed to be drawing.)
I like having new media to write on. It’s a bad picture from my phone.
Possibilities
There’s always the possibility
of the word caving in
and all that will be left
is you, me and the stars,
you, me and the stars.
They may outshine you
but your beauty always blinds me
and I’ll close my eyes
to you and infinite darkness
that may come our way.
Grab your boots and guide me
through the falling space
and following implosion.
There’s a possibility
there’s another side,
another side to this.
r.l.w
With all the blog things I have done today, making and adding little buttons and joining sites and things, I could’ve used the time to write a sizable post. But I didn’t. I could’ve written some of my nanowrimo, which I seem to have given up on. Or force out a couple of poems, which I hate to do, I hate to force it, but I have these little bits that need more words, more lines. I have two lines from about three different poems, just waiting to be fitted into something, crying out to me. They won’t let up, just these lines going around and around in my head, wantint a home, a poem and a title of their own.
I seem trapped though, stuck on these amazing lines and without the words to go with them. Without any words that are as good, that really do what little I have justice.
Silly really. My head hurts a lot. Not because of this, I’ve had a rough day. Or it feels like it. Sometimes the lack of actual events or drama confuses me to what actually makes a bad day. Or a rough time. Perhaps a little writing would help. Perhaps it would make it worse. The second is more likely.
I have so much writing to do. I’m not working to anyone’s deadline (well, except for nanowrimo) but to my own deadline. A few years ago I decided that if I wasn’t better by 35, I would kill myself. And make a better job of it than earlier attempts. So I’ve got to get all my writing done by then, just in case my mental health nevers improves. Or doesn’t improve in time.
It’s a deadline.
My mother said some crazy people are creative. Maybe. But some equally sane people are creative too. Though, this is going on a tangent. I don’t feel particually crazy today. No more than usual. And no less creative. I don’t actually like the word/term creative. I’m not creative, I just like to write, I happen to be okay at it (woo self esteem). Sometimes I can do nothing else but write. A lot of the time I can’t talk but I can write. I won’t call people but I’ll text them.
Writing mightnot help, these few hundred words alone are tiring. I need sleep. I need a break, but it’s not like I’ve done much, not like I do much. Acheive much.
I guess I need to start sending out some poetry again. One acceptance in a heap of rejections usually picks me up.
Rambling about writing. Excellent.
I’m suffering from writer’s apathy again. I’ve spoken about it before. My Nano novel has just sort of gone off by the way side and I’ve not even touched it today. I think it’s as much my depression as anything else. I know what I need and want to write, just actually doing it? Well, the motivation has gone.
I realised last night that I’ve got a whole new character to write. Just because I’m not writing doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it all the time. November is always a bad month for me, personally, and this year is not different. I don’t learn.
Anyway, I have a new character to write, because while I’ve written my main character Lucy, and have her sussed out quite well, I realised last night that the vampire Lucy is going to be very different. Going to have to be very different. I can still bring in little bits of her personality but for the most part, the two, the human and the vampire version will be very different. Have to be very different for this to make any sense. For it to work.
And while I’m thinking about all this, I’m not actually writing it. My notebook just has 1987 written at the top of the page of the new bit I need to start to write and I’m stuck on 11,000 words. Which is still good, but I’d like to keep pushing on.
Maybe after a cup of tea.
I’m writing away on my Novel for NaNoWriMo. Turning Vampires back into humans and having to deal with what you’ve done, and the temptation to be turned back into a vampire again. At least, that’s the idea. It’s not going too badly so far, on day…four, it helps if I know what bleeding day it is. I’m hand writing it. it’s how I write everything else, so I figured it would be the best way. I’ve the time to type it up at a later point in the day, or the next day so I can accurately count my words.
I’m posting the whole thing at my writing.com account. Because I can, really. Got to put it somewhere. I’m enjoying writing it, I like my characters, I know where I’m going. This is just me procrastinating, because I am behind on todays word count. Having slept in til three pm will kind of do that I suppose.
Anyway: Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three.
It’s the screaming that gets you
every time,
a broken cry
from drum to drum.
I’ve laughed at less,
the ex heroin chic
and the eight to ten weeks,
it’s just a passing phase,
I’m just passing through.
I’m tagged and torn
between hope and home,
though I won’t be seeing either
anytime soon.
They wash the wasted
and I sleep for the sleepless,
dream for the open spaces
the city has lost.
The blood seems real,
but I’d argue against it
and let them take it anyway,
check it over to the beeping
the painless monotone of my heart,
it’s quiet, I’m quiet
I’ve nothing to say to them
this time around.
r.l.w
Pretty-Pretty
I call you the pretty-pretty girl,
as if the repetition of the word
will tell the others
just how stunning you are.
It won’t, it can’t.
when they’ve not met you
(and never will)
when they’ve never felt
the shock of having their soul
pulled straight from their chest
at the sight of the smiles I’ve seen.
Lost breath, missing heart beats
broken brains cells but an increased pulse
Your name is a whisper on my fingertips
spread across my body.
I’d feel guilty, if I were capable.
I leave little secrets in your personal space,
should you take notice and take hold of me,
It’s a nice thought
but nothing I should run away with,
and I call you the pretty-pretty girl because
if I looked beyond the surface
I’d fall in love.
If I were capable of such a thing.
r.l.w
(she exists, the pretty-pretty girl)
So i’m trying to decide what to do for NaNoWriMo. I know I’ll do it, depsite still wondering whether I should do it, or whether I want to do it, I will, because I’m a sucker for it. Last year was a bust because I spent most of November in hospital with liver trouble (non alcohol related I’d like to point out).
Actually, most years are a bust, but I have a go anyway, because if nothing else, I like being part of it. It’s fun.
I have an idea, actually it’s last years idea. But I have no plot or characters, just the basic idea. I have an image of a character in my head, but nothing more than that. I don’t know what to do with it really, but I really need to get a hold on this if I’m going to do it, work with this, cause I’m not sure I can just plough into it without any planning.
We’ll see.
