OctPoWriMo – Day Twenty

pillsI am empty and sold on medication,
like they aren’t enough
to keep a solid heart whole
if I am not kept stable.

There is nothing
and there is everything
and it is all wrong.

A stretch a light
through to the end,
breaks inside me
drowned in the old darkness.

When I wake,
when I wake
it will pass again.

Until then, everything is just


OctPoWriMo.org // Day twenty.

OctPoWriMo – Day Nineteen – Sexology


The Kiss - Toulouse-Lautrec - 1892/1893

The Kiss – Toulouse-Lautrec – 1892/1893

Just a few minutes.
To find purchase and pleasure
in something slow that settles every part of my soul.

Then every little bit is documented
like it didn’t even happen the way it did,
as if it weren’t what it was
and I don’t even know why you need to know.
Does it really matter that much?
Every sigh and squeal?
Every variation and movement.

I’m completely taken in by every little bit of you I can touch.

You are completely taken in by every little bit of me you can record.

I can’t seem to walk away from it,
stuck beneath a fickle pen,
sleeping while you type out every intimacy.

Except they won’t be intimacies for long,
and people will know.

I can’t bring myself to care.


Sex research is called Sexology. Sexology does not generally refer to the non-scientific study of sexuality but includes the study of human sexual interests, behaviours and function.

Octpowrimo // Day 19

OctPoWriMo – Day Eighteen – Could’ve Slipped

Photograph: John Storey/SFC

Photograph: John Storey/SFC

Could’ve slipped.
Could’ve slipped and fell after I’d already changed my mind.
What the hell.
Coming back over didn’t change much
not for the longest time.
Not that anyone knew.
Could’ve slipped.
Might’ve been easier.
Until today.

Could’ve slipped.
Could’ve slipped and changed a few lives for the worse.
What the hell.
Coming back over changed everything
all at once.
Not that anyone knew.
Could’ve slipped.
Might’ve been easier.
Until tomorrow.


Inspired by this article.

OctPoWriMo // Day Eighteen

OctPoWriMo – Day Seventeen – Broken Moments In The Afterlife

In broken moments
it’s better down here
curled up in the afterlife
at the end of the world.
What she knows hurts her,
every little detail bites into her skin
throbs through her veins
secrets are poison she sells.
It’s better to lose
than to fail.
Better to be broken completely than whole and hurting.
None of it makes sense
but she never claimed it did.
Only offered up the souls
of who have given up themselves.
You can only be brave for so long sometimes.
There is no shame in giving up.
There is no shame to be had
in enjoying the broken moments
if that’s all you have.
There’s not shame at all.


OctPoWriMo – Day 17

OctPoWriMo – Day Sixteen – Floodlighting

I’ve got secrets,
follow them from place to place
carry them over and over.
I’ve got secret and I’ve got lies.

I’ve got truths,
shake them off and throw them aside,
I have disclosures to offer and
waste no time.

Offering little pieces of myself
to one person.
Offering everything of myself
to every person.
Startle and shock every one away
until someone can stand to stay.

Stand the worst and fear
and every single tear that comes with
every story I tell without my own emotions
even making an appearance.

God, I don’t even care any more.
Go, let me tell you stories to get rid of you.


Insecurities on a plate.

All the little secrets kept locked up
until I am on the edge
of something spectacular and horrible.

The end.


OctPoWriMo – Day Sixteen

OctPoWriMo – Day Fifteen – Worth It

The world is not made for me
even in my own worlds, my own words
I am on a side line
out of shape and out of mind.

I am made for other stuff,
for a quieter life
with the only woman
who understands me.

I guess I am part way there.
If only I could reduce my life
down to just her, just our love
and our home and our life.

I continue on regardless,
through the noise and the mess
and the words that are not my own.
It’s worth it.


octpowrimo.org // Day Fifteen

OctPoWriMo – Day Fourteen – Three Years Ago Today

Quietly with no hesitance
do not be afraid of me
do not be afraid.
Smooth down carefully,
all over.
Touch and touch and touch.
There’s only honesty
and acceptance
a little way to go perhaps
before we can process this
but keep going,
keep moving
I won’t deny you anything
if you would do the same for me.

But quietly,
in the darkness,
we’ll talk and love and sleep
cause that’s all we’ll need.

At least
to ignore reality.
You know, that world outside
we try to fit into
when we’re not together.
We should never leave this house,
would never leave this house
if we could manage that.

We were not made for this world.
We were made for each other.


Catch Up Week TWO
Day Seven
Day Eight
Day Nine
Day Ten
Day Eleven
Day Twelve
Day Thirteen


Also, I’ve started writing a semi-irregular piece for The Cult Den about fanfiction – The First Post is an introductory post and can be found here.

OctPoWriMo – Day Twelve – Inside Out

Inside Out

Being broken into little pieces on the inside
but held together by the outside
and still walking around like nothing’s wrong.

Nothing is wrong
cause nothing has changed.
The break was a long time ago
it’s just a case of holding together the outside
so the inside doesn’t leak out onto the floor
at my feet, my heart pooling around me
while I stand there in a daze just watching.

Just watching.
It’s enough for now though,
wrapped in cotton and cloth
and whatever else I can find.

It has to last but heaven’s I’m tired
the edges are cracking, I must admit,
it’s wear and tear, I’m worn and torn.

Just a little longer.
Just a little more.


octpowrimo – Day Twelve

OctPoWriMo – Day Eleven – Ineloquent


My eloquence is inadequate
and half of what I wish.
How am I supposed to cope
with beauty on display
that I am unable to
have for myself.
To live or to touch.
To breathe or to kiss.

None of this make sense.
To you perhaps.

I reach out but get nothing,
am trying over and over
and getting no where.
It’s not like it was.
I have words I am unable to share
because you won’t listen.
Not now at least
and I’m tired of trying.

I ruined this.
I don’t blame you.


octpowrimo.com // Day Eleven