I am pretty uncompetitive. Annoyingly so for some people. Namely my best friend Melanie, who I can drive insane with my lack of competitive instinct. She loves to win. She wins a lot when we’re doing stuff. And I don’t care. Really don’t care. The only thing that I really get worked up about when it comes to competition I is the rugby and when I’m playing Mario Kart. Though mostly when I’m playing the computer. if someone else beats me, again I’m not bothered, but when the computer beats me and I’m trying to et a cup, or unlock a level, or do a 100% complete of the game I get really annoyed. The angry, swearing, through the controller kind of annoyed. I try not to play when my niece and nephew are in the room. Or play with my nephew. There are a couple of games I won’t play with my nephew, though for other reasons. I won’t play Lego Star Wars with him because he just chooses to be the Emperor and spends the next twenty minutes Force Lightning me to death until I snap.
So, other than that, I don’t care much about loosing. There’s a few reasons.
Overall, I guess I am able to recognise that they are just games and no really important in the grand scheme of things. For me at least. If I were an Olympic athlete it would be different of course, you need to be competitive to be an athlete, but when you’re just an anxious geeky poet in Wales, you don’t really need to be competitive. Not to say there isn’t competition out there for those things, but well, it’s not for me. proving that you’re more anxious, geekier or a better poet is not for me. And not what poetry is about certainly. And doesn’t help with your anxiety or any other social problems you may have that come along with being geeky.
So, I don’t care that much if I’m the best. My wife loves me, my cats don’t scratch me (on purpose) and my niece and nephew love spending time with me. I’m happy with that.
Also, I feel that life has made me non-competitive. For starters, what you may or may not know about me is that I support Coventry City Football Club. A football club who are currently in the first division. Which is the modern version of the second division, which is actually th4e third tier down. Basically it’s the modern way of saying we’re crap. We used to be top flight, in the Premiership, where we had been for almost 100 years, but, well, things got tough and apparently you can’t be the worst team in the top division forever. And I grew up supporting a team that was pretty much the worst team in the division my entire life. my dad would make jokes on how we were like the titanic “we’ll never go down.” And how we were always more shocked when we won than anything else. I certainly was growing up. My dad took me to a lot of games when I was a kid so I saw them lose. a lot. You get used to it after a while. Now I get texts with score updates from every game we play, and as my wife will tell you, that I just assume the other team has scored whenever I get a notification on my phone.
So, not really competitive about football.
Or anything. When I was a teenager I wasn’t really interested in P.E or any sport really. I enjoyed playing basketball – something that always was a bit more like a game of ice hockey in terms of violence. But wasn’t bothered by any other game. I didn’t like to run. I still don’t like to run. I don’t run. I’m not fit, I never was, and whatever team I played on either lost or won without any contribution from me. I was always just trying to blend into the background, or do as little as possible until I could change or go home. I used to be in a swim club when I was a kid, but not because I was a very good swimmer (I was okay), but I just loved being in the water. I still do. it’s so quiet underwater. It was never quiet at home.
So all this adds up to one uncompetitive adult, who likes a challenge, but doesn’t mind losing so much. I mean, I’m still going to be me at the end of the day, no amount winning is going to to change that.
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